


Chemistry

by regionals



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drabble Collection, M/M, greed deserved better, im very weak and possibly in love with greed dont look at me, uhh this is mostly just kind of humorous and sweet and fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-11 01:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 9,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionals/pseuds/regionals
Summary: "Even bad guys need to sleep sometimes, Greed."[A collection of drabbles, most between 200-500 words.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i've spent the past two weeks rewatching fullmetal alchemist brotherhood (and, regrettably, 03) with one of my friends since she hasnt seen fma and i wanted to prove a point, the point that it's not fuckin. weeby. and anyways the point is that ive rediscovered my love for fma again (again) and i just. im weak? i love fma so much? ive literally been into this show since i was 11? i am now eighteen? its been seven entire years???
> 
> i've written for fma before but ive. never posted it. thats a lie i did post one fic but it was so terrible and i was like,, twelve?? and it was on ff.net its been deleted because i. was ashamed. anyways i feel pretty confident with my fic writing skills for fma since ive been into this series since 2010 and also since i spent like three years roleplaying as edward elric & ling yao :')
> 
> anyways since this isn't rpf/joshler/brallon/whatever the hell else i usually write for, i wanna just... state some things about my writing:
> 
>  **one:** i write in second person POV most of the time and that's okay! it's cool! it's alright! this is NOT a reader insert. writing just comes more naturally to me when i write in second person pov and it feels easier to get my point across.
> 
>  **two:** i'm very deliberate when i write and although this isn't intended to be a super serious 500k fic, if something sus happens or a character is problematic, chances are, it's on purpose.
> 
>  **three:** i update in bursts (like, 10 parts at a time bursts) then go eons without updating so do Not be surprised if this happens. also if you see this fic pop up on wattpad then bitch ya caught me my wp is regionai. (yeah i use wattpad so what fuckin. come at me.)
> 
> [follow me on tumblr](queerweekes.tumblr.com) || [or follow me on twitter](twitter.com/cadespace) || [_or_ buy me a coffee!](http://ko-fi.com/cadespace)
> 
> UPDATE: also i didnt state this but this fic / these drabbles are like. character study i guess. i havent written for fma/fmab in so long that i just . yes. i want to write a longer fic for fmab but i need to get a handle on characterization before i do if ygm

_**Greed** _

 

You stare down at his sleeping body. You're sitting cross legged next to where his head is lying on your bed, sound asleep. He's just so goddamn _peaceful_ looking that it makes you _wish_ you felt even half as peaceful as he looks right now. Even in his sleep, one of his hands is reaching towards you, resting on the hand that you're using to balance yourself.

His hair, which is usually held in a simple ponytail, one tied with literally anything nearby that, one, isn't ugly, and two, is capable of holding hair in place, is spread out across your pillows, sure to be tangled in the morning.

You can already picture it. He's going to wake up, then he's going to nudge you awake, not caring if you only got an hour of sleep, then he's going to sleepily gripe about his hair being tangled as he works on brushing it after his shower, and when you suggest that he gets a haircut, he's going to give you a blood curdling dirty look, one that'll shut you up real quick.

You'll still shrug, though, and finish brushing your teeth while he works on getting knots out of his hair.

You smile to yourself and end up finally laying down once he actually rouses, mumbles something in his native tongue, before realizing you only speak English and Spanish, then telling you to lay down and sleep, because, "Even bad guys need to sleep sometimes, Greed."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh by the way
> 
> these aren't in any specific order like chronologically at least??? some are but most arent

_**Ling** _

 

Introducing him to your friends for the first time doesn't go over as smoothly as you thought it would. In your eyes, he's everything. Sure, he's not perfect, but you love him from the bottom of your heart in the most genuine way, so it stings a little bit when your friends don't immediately welcome him with open arms.

Lan Fan, your best friend, just gives him a once-over, sizing him up, expression unreadable, before she continues to watch the situation unfold.

Ed just straight up states that he recognizes Greed from the news, saying, "Aren't you that coke dealer the feds have been after for eons?"

Of course, Winry looks mortified, and Alphonse just quirks an eyebrow. Mei looks somehow offended, as if someone trash talked her entire family or something.

"Evidence got mishandled and the charges were dropped," is all Greed says back with a shrug, brushing it off. Okay, so, he's _really_ not perfect, but neither are you. He's not a bad person, and you know that the lackluster reaction from your friends still hurt his feelings, even if it was just a tiny bit.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Greed** _

 

Ling's friends don't like you, and that's alright. Not a lot of people like you. You've come to terms with that. That doesn't mean it doesn't sting a tiny bit.

You feel like everyone's opinion of you changes after they actually witness how you and Ling work together, though.

They see you as this big bad coke dealer who was a former member of one of the biggest, and scariest, gangs in the states. Ling sees you as a grumpy buffoon who doesn't know his head from his ass. (You're smart and all, objectively at least, but you're kind of a dumb ass. Ling somehow remedies that.)

There's a road trip that happens. You're thirty two--in your opinion, you're a little old for a road trip, but Ling's still in his twenties, mid twenties, so going on a road trip for no reason is something that's somehow appealing to him.

It's tense and awkward most of the time. You're in the backseat between Ling, who always insists on getting the fucking window seat, and the blonde girl, Winry, you think. The blonde kid, Edward, is driving, and his brother is riding shotgun.

Ling either doesn't catch on to the mood of the car, or he doesn't care, since he spends a good portion of that ride holding your hand like a gentleman, since he's like that, or leaning on you to sleep, since he sleeps a lot.

You sort of have a feeling that his friends think he's some twink, a young piece of ass to you, and that you're the one in control of everything in the relationship, but that... is not true. Sure, you're more... dominant in the bedroom, and all that, but he's always telling you what's what, and giving you the stink-eye if you're doing something he doesn't approve of.

The first time any of his friends realize that there's more to your relationship with him than what meets the eye, it's in a fucking gas station of all places. You're standing in the back, looking at energy drinks, and Ling's next to you, but facing the opposite direction looking at a rack of chips when you nudge him in the arm with your elbow, saying, "What should I get? The Monsters are on sale for two for three bucks..."

"You don't even like Monster," He starts with a look on his face that's discreetly asking, _"What the hell are you doing?"_ He turns around, and bends forward a bit to look at the price tags. "Just get three of the grape NOS ones. You actually like those, and they're only an extra fifty collective cents. We might be living paycheck to paycheck, but you can afford the extra fifty cents."

Winry's standing nearby, doing something, looking at something, and you can hear her ask Ling why you didn't bite his head off. _"We were talking about energy drinks. Nothing to bite my head off over. Anyways, he only bites my head off if I interrupt his marathons of The Nanny."_

You kind of want to playfully shout at him for outing your sitcom tastes, but you like the fact that he's defending you more than you want to playfully shout at him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but listen . i really like the idea of greed just . being low key protective of ling but not explicitly saying it hes just like. "just take the fucking blanket dont look at me"
> 
> these two have been fucking me up since 2010

_**Edward** _

 

Cramming five people into a motel room that's only meant to fit one or two people is always a chore in and of itself. You kind of figured Greed would be adamant on taking the bed, possibly sharing it with Ling, for some reason, but you're proven wrong almost immediately.

In fact, he disappears for half an hour, and returns with a fleece blanket from the Walmart nearby, and you silently watch on as he quietly bickers with Ling over which one of them gets to use his (Greed's) jacket as a pillow.

After that debate is settled, you watch as Greed pretty much curls himself around Ling, spooning him, and using his right arm to support his own head, with the fleece blanket wrapped around himself and Ling. You end up in the chair in the room, whereas Winry and Al share the bed. (Winry has nerve damage from untreated sciatica, and Al's your little brother. It's natural that you want him to have everything, and it'd be a dick move to not let Winry sleep on the bed.)

You didn't have too much of an opinion on Greed, other than the fact that you didn't quite trust him, but after watching him interact with Ling for just a few moments, you kind of start to appreciate him. Just kind of.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Ling** _

 

The last destination on the road trip before working back towards New York is in Los Angeles. Ed has friends in Los Angeles that are willing to let the five of you stay for a few days. There's not much more to it than that.

You and Greed are sort of a package deal. You can't get one without the other. Six years of being together can do that. Your point is that you're crammed into a corner booth in a Chinese restaurant with Greed, Ed, Al, Winry, and Ed's two friends, who you think are named Ron and Liza or something like that. Maybe it was Roy and Riza... Who knows. You don't actually care that much.

Greed is on your right side, while Ed's on your left, with Ron or Roy or whatever on his other side. Riza's on the left end of the booth. On the other side of Greed is Alphonse, then there's Winry, who is on the right end of the booth.

Greed's sort of a magnet for attention. Everyone at the table keeps looking at him, then looking back down to their menus, not talking much more than necessary small talk. There isn't a doubt in your mind that Winry went and blabbed to Roy and Riza about your partner's... legal issues. (Winry kind of has a big mouth.)

Greed uses his thumb to point at an item on the menu, and asks what it is. He doesn't bother trying to awkwardly keep his voice quiet enough to where it's obvious his question was directed towards you. It was obvious in the first place, though.

You read it, and scoff lightly. For a brief period of time, you were hoping this restaurant was a _genuine_ Chinese restaurant, or as genuine as you can get in SoCal, but the name of the dish Greed's pointing at roughly translates to _noodle dish._ You read the description under it, before mumbling, "It's just noodles, and it has soy sauce and water chestnuts in it. You won't like it. Just go ahead and order rice or a hamburger or something. I'll cook you something better when we're home."

He grunts and closes the menu, muttering for you to just order for him. Greed's picky with food that isn't something Americans typically eat, or something that you can't get off of a Mexican street car, and it's taken a lot of trial and error for you to be able to safely pick things he'd enjoy.

***

You're a little crafty and bendy and you're able to work your way onto the roof of the house everyone's staying at. You're mostly just here to look at what you can of the stars; whatever the light pollution doesn't obscure. You've had a long day, and although, like you said, you and Greed are a package deal, you can only deal with him for so long before you need a break.

You hear someone outside, and you aren't alarmed, at least not until you hear the sound of a ladder hitting the gutter, and footsteps going up it. You roll onto your stomach, eyes opened significantly wider than usual, just in time to see Riza's head come into view. She asks, "What are you doing up here?"

"Just need a bit to decompress," you answer honestly.

"Mind if I join you? I can only take Mister Elric in small doses."

You snort. "Feel free. He's an ass, so I don't blame you." He _is_ an ass, but he's a good friend, and he's loyal to a fault. It's part of why you like him.

Riza's quiet, and doesn't make conversation, at least not for ten minutes or so, when she asks another question. "Is it true that... the man you're with... Is it true that he's involved in a drug ring?"

"No. He's never been involved with a drug ring. He was involved in the mafia, and managed to get out." Greed's never lied to you about his past. It doesn't bug you very much anyways. Actually, it doesn't bug you at all, to be frank. "I'm scarier than he is, if I'm honest." You are, though.

She says something that implies that you're _innocent,_ and you laugh.

"Please. I immigrated to the states when I was twenty. Before that I was involved in one of the bigger triads in China. _I've_ actually killed people; hell, it was my job. He just sold coke and roughed people up when he needed to."

"Oh." You can tell that she's put off by it. Really, anyone would be put off by finding out that their calm and mild mannered yet happy go lucky friend was technically a hit man.

"No need to be scared of me. I only kill if I'm paid the right amount." Now that's a lie, but your tone makes it pretty obvious that you're joking anyways.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Greed** _

 

You're about six months into your relationship with Ling when you decide to come clean and tell him about your past. You're expecting him to leave you, or to yell at you, or to be scared, but he pretty much just shrugs and blows you off.

He's about to leave the room so he can get back to doing what he was doing on the other side of the apartment the two of you share, but you're up and grabbing his arm, saying, "Is that _it?"_

"What? You're a thug. You don't scare me." He _really_ looks unimpressed with you, but not in a way that says he's disappointed. He just doesn't _care._ He even opens his eyes fully to make eye contact with you.

You stand there gawking for a moment. "Seriously? That's _it?"_

"I think it's a little ironic that I ended up with a convicted felon, but, yeah, that's about it."

"How is that _ironic?"_

He rolls his eyes and huffs. "You think you're the only one with a tragic backstory? Why do you think I came to America?"

"I dunno--China sucks?" You deadpan.

"I came here because I needed out. I was raised into one of the bigger triads, and I was groomed to be an assassin. I just think it's funny I end up with a petty little coke dealer."

"... That explains why you're so fucking quiet and creepy."

"Exactly." Ling's face goes back to smiling and bright, and he kisses you on the cheek then gives you a quick hug. "I'm going to go finish doing our laundry."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Ling** _

 

You're twenty one when you meet Greed. He's twenty six. He's also devilishly handsome, what with his signature smarmy little smirk, his eyes which are the darkest yet prettiest shade of blue, his strong jawline, the slight hint of stubble, and his teeth, which seem a little sharper than what's usually considered natural.

Of course, you're in a gay club in fucking _Pittsburgh,_ and he comes strolling in, head cocked, looking high and mighty. Everyone seems to _stop_ just to stare at him, and in your head, you immediately decide that he's _yours._ You don't care if you have to fucking _kill_ someone--this is the man you're going to sleep with tonight, if not just to be able to say that, yeah, you fucked him.

You work your way past a bunch of people, up until you're in front of him swaying along to the upbeat synthy pop music blaring throughout the club. You're looking up into his eyes evenly, smirking just a bit, working your charm as best as you can without speaking.

He seems to understand. The language of 'I want to fuck you' that's commonly used in gay clubs and bars throughout this country isn't a hard one to learn. Within the hour, you find yourself ass up with your head pressed into a pillow.

The sex is fucking great--that doesn't even need to be said. The _magic_ happens the next morning when he wakes up. You're already awake, but you're pretending to be asleep because, hey, having a hot, muscular body to sleep on is always a treat. Your hair is spread across his chest, his arm, his pillows, and your back even. You're a little surprised when you feel fingers in your hair, and you let that go on for a few minutes before pretending to wake up.

He promptly _stops_ the fingers in hair action, and somehow after awkwardly brushing your hair and sharing a breakfast with him, you get a phone number, a peck on the cheek, and a, _"Be sure to call me."_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this chapter is one of the more obvious examples of me tossing in one of my headcanons

_**Greed** _

 

Ling is... creepy. And weird. And he sort of gives you weird vibes; the kind of vibes to where you never really know where you stand with him. That's explained once he explains what his _profession_ was.

In a way, he's also an... enigma. He's mysterious and that's definitely part of his charm. There's a lot more to Ling Yao than people would think, and you, literally, learn something new about him every day.

On today's episode of, 'What will Greed find out that Ling's been hiding from him this time?' you find out that Ling has health issues that could've potentially turned fatal were you not to have caught on in time.

Aaand by catching on, you mean that the two of you are hanging _Christmas lights_ on the balcony of your shared apartment the first Christmas the two of you spend together when he faints. He says something weird to you, and you're about to, jokingly, ask if he's stoned, but the next thing you know, he's holding up a finger then falling forward, and you're _barely_ quick enough to grab him before he hits the ground.

This is just a _touch_ scary for you. You've been close to a collective eight people in your life, and four of those people were, literally, killed right in front of you, so there's a tiny part of your mind that's freaking out and praying like the good little Catholic boy it was raised to be that Ling is not, in fact, dead.

Two days go by and lo and behold, _someone's_ hypoglycemic, but not diabetic, and never bothered to go to a doctor, which leaves you glaring at Ling the second the two of you are back home, asking, "Why the hell didn't you ever talk to anyone?"

He shrugs nonchalantly, as if he didn't just cause you to have a fucking heart attack. A two day long heart attack. You're a laid back guy, but that doesn't mean you don't worry yourself to death over your hypoglycemic former hit man boyfriend.

"What if you had died or something?"

"Okay, _you're_ being dramatic," he tells you, dismissively. If he were anyone else, you would've yelled at him more, called him out for kind of being an asshole and invalidating your concerns, but he's trying to get you to drop it, and to not talk about it, both of which are things you're not going to do.

"No I'm not!" You glare, and you take his coat when he hands it to you, draping it over the back of one of the dining table chairs, along with yours. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Doctors are expensive and whenever I've tried telling anyone that something's wrong, I've always been told to go take a nap or to just go eat something, not to go to a doctor." Ling _shrugs. Again._ "I'm feeling a little hungry."

You mentally sigh, and you actually drop it this time, mostly because you're about to busy yourself with cooking for him.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Ling** _

 

"Why did it take you so long to introduce me to your friends?" You're in the middle of helping Greed with dishes, since they haven't been done in a few weeks.

"Do you want my honest answer?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't. You know that."

"I didn't actually have any friends when we first got together. I met Lan Fan about two years in, when we moved to New York, and through her, I met Mei, then through Mei I met Al, Ed, and Winry. I was also afraid they wouldn't like you. I mean, I think you're great, like, a top notch boyfriend, and I was seriously a little upset when they all just blew you off."

"Oh." He scrubs at a tough spot on a plate, before handing it to you and mumbling something about the dishwasher. "It didn't take you so long because you're embarrassed of me?"

"No, never because of that. Now, why haven't you introduced me to _your_ friends?"

Greed scoffs. "You've met Solaris and you've met Juliet, plus Bradley and his little hell spawn demon child."

"Those are your weird criminal friends, all of which you don't even talk to anymore." You pout a bit. "Make more friends, Greed."

He grunts and gets you in the arm with a gentle elbow jab. "You first."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Ling** _

 

"Why do you suddenly want to move anyways?" You're cramming things into boxes, trying to be at least a little organized, whereas Greed is just throwing things in, willy nilly, left and right.

"I'm tired of Pittsburgh. I know too many people here, and I don't know anyone in New York. Added, I figure that since there's so many people, I can blend in. Won't have to fuck with any of my terrible friends."

 _Oh. That's why._ "Kind of like why I immigrated."

"Yeah, except you're a lot scarier than I am, and I'm not going to get killed if anyone catches me outside of my hometown."

"Greed, you're from California."

"I said what I said." He just quirks an eyebrow and shrugs, and it takes everything in you not to cackle a little bit.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> backstreets back ALRIGHT

_**Ling** _

 

The first time Greed says, _"I love you,"_ to you happens at an... awkward time. Kind of. It's the first New Years you've spent with him, the one just after your little hypoglycemic incident that scared him. The ball just dropped, and he has you pulled close to him, lips smashed against yours in the clumsiest way with a hand grabbing your ass, and when he pulls away, he's grinning pretty dumbly; "I love ya, kid."

Greed's not overly formal, or too prickly about rules and societal norms, meaning he's able to get away with being casual about telling you that he loves you. Your first response isn't, "I love you too," but rather, "Are you sure?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

You rack your brain, trying to think of a time where he's specifically lied to you, but you can't, so you make a bit of a face, and peck him on the lips. "Nope. I love you too, though."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Ling** _

 

Out of the usual crew, Lan Fan's the only one who's been to your apartment. (Or, well, Greed's apartment, technically, since he pays the rent. You pay for utilities and groceries, though.)

It's Thanksgiving, and you're not an American--this holiday means literally nothing to you--but Greed whines to you during one of your three in the morning talks with him, asking you if you'd _please_ celebrate Thanksgiving with him, since he's apparently never had a proper Thanksgiving.

He wasn't actually whining, honestly, but he did this weird thing where he tries to act cute to get you to agree to do something for him. When he tries acting cute, you cringe yourself into a different dimension, because he's just... He's cute sometimes, but he's just kind of embarrassing when he tries to _act_ cute, and he knows it.

The point is that on Thanksgiving, the seventh Thanksgiving since you've been with him, you invite Edward, Alphonse, Lan Fan, Mei, and Winry. That's five people. Sure, Ed could've been a dick and brought the ten million people he knows, but he doesn't, and you're thankful. (Ed's kind of an odd guy. He's not a very social person, in your opinion, at least, yet he has at least fifty friends that are more than acquaintances to him. Probably.)

Ed's the first to show up. When you answer the door, the first thing he does is grab your arm, and pull one of your ponytail holders from your wrist, saying something about the rubber band he'd been using to hold his own hair up breaking. Once his hair is up in a sloppy ponytail, he bends down and picks up the dish he'd brought with him. You look into it, and in your eight years of living in this country, you've _never_ seen anything like what he's brought over. You don't even know what the hell it is, other than it smells good.

Once he walks in, you close the door behind him, and out of reflex, you bow politely, saying, "Thank you for coming," before leading him towards the dining room. He sets the dish he'd brought with him down next to the dish of stuffing that Greed slaved over last night. "What exactly is this?" You point to whatever it was that Ed brought.

He looks at you like you're a fucking idiot. "Scalloped potatoes. Have you ever had them?"

"Of course he hasn't," Greed answers as he steps through the dining room on his way to the kitchen to get a refill on his wine. "All he fucking eats is rice."

You scoff and you're quick to flick your last ponytail holder that was on your wrist at him. He jumps, and flips you off. "I eat more than rice."

Greed waits to respond until after he has another glass of wine. One his way back through the room, he corrects himself. "I apologize. He doesn't eat American food, unless it's from a McDonald's."

 _ **"I'm about to throw my shoe at you,"**_ you tell him, in Chinese, with a glare thrown his way. (The glare holds no water, of course.)

Greed doesn't know Chinese, but he does know what that phrase, specifically, means. (He's a little shit. He was bound to learn sooner or later.) He blows you a kiss and grins like the asshole he is before disappearing into the living room.

Ed starts cackling the second he hears Greed sit down on the couch. "The hell was that about?"

"Lover's quarrel," you mutter. "Do you need anything to drink?"

"Water?"

You motion towards the kitchen. "Help yourself, then."

Ed rolls his eyes, obviously assuming you were going to do it for him.

The two of you linger in the kitchen once he has water in hand. "You've got a nicer place than I expected."

"He works two part time jobs to cover the rent and I work full time to cover bills and groceries." You shrug. "It's a pain, but it's alright."

"I was expecting you to be living in some dumpy little place in Queens or something rather than _this._ I mean, _I_ live in a dumpy little place in Queens."

"I have higher standards than you do," you remark, dryly.

"Hey, fuck you. I have a bachelor pad. I'll move out when I find myself someone to marry."

***

The second and third to show are Alphonse and Winry, both of whom come together. Winry brings an apple pie, and Alphonse brings another dish that you know nothing about. You ask him what it is while following him towards your dining room, and he says it's quiche, so you ask what quiche is.

Ed drops his unwanted opinion, telling you that it's a fucking travesty, a crime against nature, and Alphonse throws a pen from his pocket at his brother, telling him to shut up, before explaining that it's made out of cheese, and that it's not, in fact, a crime against nature.

***

Lan Fan is your best friend for a reason. She's a goddess, and she brings your favorite food. It's a custom recipe that she came up with mostly on her own, with the perfect balance of noodles, vegetables, soy sauce, and chicken, plus a few other things. You _worship_ her whenever she makes this. (Lan Fan doesn't celebrate American holidays either. This isn't overly relevant, other than the fact that you at least have _one_ friend with you.)

Mei is also nearing goddess level. She's like you, in which she's also an immigrant, except you're pretty sure she wasn't involved in any _organized crime groups_ as Alphonse would like to call them. She shows up with a plate of hors d'oeuvres, a plate which you're probably going to consume within ten minutes. It's nothing _too_ special--just pot stickers--but she makes some pretty kick ass pot stickers, so you'll let it slide for now.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Greed** _

 

The last Thanksgiving you've had that didn't completely suck was when you were twenty four, and it was with your... _business associates._ It wasn't a celebration, though. It was actually a business meeting where you all were eating and only speaking when spoken to.

 _This_ Thanksgiving, though... You're half expecting it to be awkward, like it usually is whenever Ling's friends are around you, but it's _not._ You _actually_ feel at home for the first time ever, and you feel like you have a family. (Your birth mother died, and your birth father walked out on you, leaving you to grow up in the foster care system of Southern California.)

Ling goes back and forth with Lan Fan and Mei, mocking Edward, and occasionally you, playfully. You bicker with him a bit, and even make everyone laugh hard enough to have some pretty extreme reactions from some of your stories about your life. (Edward snorts sparkling cider out of his nose at one of your stories, and Alphonse spends at _least_ three minutes flipping him shit for it, while everyone else just laughs to the point of tears.)

You have _never_ had a holiday this great before. It's--it's mind boggling to you. You're used to fights and yelling and screaming and _danger_ during holidays, but everything is _perfect!_ It's totally insane.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ed: ling how do i relationship  
> ling:  
> ling: ed im 12 leave me alone
> 
> thats basically it for this part

_**Ling** _

 

You've been friends with Edward for just about four years now, and for some reason, whenever he's going through a breakup, he comes to _you._ He doesn't go to Alphonse or Winry or one of his other friends--he goes to you.

This time, the two of you are in his living room in his shitty little apartment in Queens, watching a movie, and not really talking. Well, at least until he awkwardly and not at all smoothly turns the volume on his TV down, saying, "Can we talk?"

"We have voice boxes, do we not?" You quirk an eyebrow at him.

He throws the remote at you. "Shut up. I got dumped, _again."_

"What do you need me to tell you?"

"I dunno." Ed frowns and knocks a pen off of his coffee table with his foot. He doesn't say anything else for a long while. Ed's... emotional. He acts like he's fine, mostly since he grew up taking care of Alphonse, apparently, and since Winry, his other best friend, has enough shit on her plate to worry about without him getting messed up every time a girl dumps him. "Can I ask for relationship advice? I'm tired of being lonely, and you've been with the same person for six years. I figured you'd know something by now."

"Uh. Well. Ed, I'm twenty seven. I've been in a relationship most of my adult life. If anything, you should probably ask Greed for relationship advice, since he's in his thirties and since he's had many more partners than I have."

"He's intimidating."

"Intimidating? _Seriously?"_ You scoff at him. "You're Edward Elric! No one intimidates you, man."

"Shut up, Ling." Ed reaches over to jab you in the arm. "Where and how did you meet him?"

"In a gay club in Pittsburgh. We... danced, then fucked."

"How do you make it work? In every relationship I've been in, it always just quits working out after awhile, and I _hate it._ Am I just--am I not good enough? Is there something freakishly wrong with me, besides the fact I'm missing half of my left leg?"

"For one thing, I like your leg. It gives you some spunk. For another thing, I just met Greed by chance and we just so happened to compliment each other. I honestly have no idea how we've been together so long."


	15. Chapter 15

_**Greed** _

Ling is such a little shit. Today is the one day you have off from either of your jobs, and he decides to invite Edward over to hang out, _then_ decides that he suddenly has to go grocery shopping, even though the two of you did that, like, three days ago. He doesn't take Ed with him. In fact, he looks at Ed, and says, "Talk to him."

Edward fidgets a lot. He's sitting in one of your armchairs, pinching at the fake skin on his left leg, refusing to look you in the eye.

"Will you quit sitting there like a little creep and just spit it out already? Ling wouldn't have forced us into this situation if it wasn't _something."_

"I asked him for relationship advice and he told me to talk to you since you're more experienced or whatever." He still doesn't look you in the eye, opting to just glare at the window in the room.

"What kind of relationship advice? If you have a sore on your dick, I'm not--"

"No! Shut up. I don't have any STDs. If I thought I had one I'd cough up the money for a doctor. I asked Ling how the two of you work and how the two of you have managed to stay together for so long, but he basically just said that he didn't know and that you were the one to talk to about this kind of stuff."

"Oh, _that?_ He told me about that. Honestly, little dude--" Ed shoots you a sharp glare at that; "--you're never going to find someone if you keep looking like you are. You don't just decide that you're going to meet your soulmate, then meet them a day later. It doesn't happen like that."

"Do you have any tips on how to find someone, then?"

"Find a best friend that you'd also like to fuck. Ling's my best friend, and I just so happen to _really_ enjoy fucking him. Also, I mean, being in a relationship shouldn't be your goal in life. Sure, I'm really fucking _jazzed_ over the fact that Ling even exists, but I'm my own person, and as pathetic as my life would be, I could live without him were we to ever break up."

"Before I ask more questions about relationships--I'm going to ask you what the _hell_ are you doing?"

You forget that it's probably odd to see a six and a half foot tall man crocheting a blanket while giving someone seven years his junior relationship advice. "Crocheting. Listen--I could be selling cocaine. This is safer, less satisfying, insanely more frustrating, but immensely more time consuming."

"You're weird."

You shrug. "What else you got?"

Ed seems more relaxed now, taking to making himself more at home in the arm chair he's in. "I want to figure out why none of my relationships work."

"Keep in mind that I'm not a therapist, by the way. What are your relationships usually like?"

"Well... When I was dating Winry back in high school, we were super in love at first and we did everything together, but then it started getting super _tame_ and we started fighting and ended up breaking up because our friendship meant more than our relationship."

"Basically the honeymoon phase ended and the sparks died down so you decided it wasn't fun anymore?"

"... I guess so." He frowns, and huffs a bit. "What's the point of a relationship? Isn't being in love supposed to be fireworks and all that shit?"

You snort and dramatically roll your eyes. "Fuck no. Not all the time. Sometimes Ling will look at me and I'll feel like I got the air knocked out of me, but for the most part, it's like... I always have someone to come home to, and someone who has my back, someone who'll probably literally lay their life down for me. It's also me bending over backwards just to please the little shit, y'know?"

"How did you _know_ that you were in love?" Edward asks a lot of questions.

"I... didn't, at first, I guess." You squint at nothing and think for a moment. "We'd only been together for about seven months when I realized it. He's hypoglycemic, and he fainted while we were hanging up Christmas lights on the balcony of the shitty little shoe box we rented in Pittsburgh. I mean, I was scared shitless, more than I ever have been, and a few days later, I was like, oh, _fuck--_ I love him." You feel weird about getting emotional and all that in front of Edward, since you don't know him very well, but when you talk about Ling, you can, literally, talk for hours, and Ed's basically here asking you to talk about him.

"Huh."

You put down your yarn work, and take the time to look at him properly without any distractions. "Listen, kid. Don't rush into a relationship just because you think that's what you're supposed to do. Do what feels right. If your gut says it isn't going to work out in the long run, then don't bother."


	16. Chapter 16

_**Ling** _

 

After the first night you and Greed fucked, the two of you meet up almost on schedule every two weeks after that to fuck _more._ The first time you get any hint that the two of you might actually have something more than an acquaintances-with-benefits situation going on is almost surreal. You're twenty one--you've never had a real relationship, alright?

You don't know how to react when you feel fingers in your hair or arms wrapped around your torso. You don't know how to react when he kisses you in a way that's more than quick, rough, and messy. You _definitely_ don't know how to react when Greed calls you one day, and stumbles around his words before just asking, _"Would_ _ya_ _go on a date with me?"_ in an embarrassed tone.

You're sitting in your little studio apartment, staring wide eyed at the wall, because here you are with this gorgeous and irresistible man acting embarrassed about asking _you_ to go on a date with him. You almost drop your phone when he asks that. "That... would be delightful, Greed." Twenty one year old you also still has questionable English skills and awkward sounding sentence structure.

Greed doesn't seem to care, though. You can hear him sigh out of relief before saying something about needing to get back to work, and something else about texting you specifics later.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Greed** _

 

You're not a monogamous guy. Hell, you were nicknamed 'Greed' for a reason. Among your little clique of baddies, you're infamous for wanting everything, no matter the means, and you guess that taking this little Chinese kid out on a date isn't out of character, because you _want him no matter the means,_ but it's still a little odd for you to be prepared to go steady with someone.

You're a gentleman--you make sure to put on a decent dress shirt and a pair of expensive jeans, plus a sensible pair of shoes, and you even attempt to comb your hair back, even though it still ends up sticking straight up, refusing you obey you.

On top of _all that,_ you even stop at a little cart that's usually outside of your apartment building and you buy him a goddamn bouquet of roses. Not red roses, though. You sort of had a phase in high school where you were obsessed with flowers, and red roses are the kind of flowers that you'd save for an anniversary or something.

You settle on a specific mix of white, orange, and salmon roses; eleven in total. (Later on, you learn that whenever you have a _spat_ with Ling, getting that specific bouquet is a sure way to get him to forgive you at least a little quicker.)


	18. Chapter 18

_**Ling** _

 

You swear that you have whiplash when Greed drops by your apartment to pick you up before the _date._ You're sure to wear the most formal thing you own--a sports jacket, a white button up, jeans from a store that's, like, slightly more expensive than Walmart, and the nicest shoes you own. You even have _all_ of your hair pulled back into a higher ponytail rather than your bangs and random bits and pieces of your hair sticking out here and there while the rest of your hair is in a haphazard and low hanging pony.

Greed, though... Well, he's dressed and all, but he is so... not what you're used to. Every time you've seen him since you've met him, he's always been wearing t-shirts and jeans and sometimes a blazer if he's cold. _Sometimes._ He looks like a normal person and it's so _weird._ He even has roses! For you!

When he hands the roses to you, you bow politely, saying a formal, "Thank you." You don't own any vases, so you settle on a glass that's big enough to hold them. You ask him what they mean, if they mean anything, as you're arranging them, and he does the thing where he flushes red and stumbles around an answer.

You still contain a stupid smile and manage not to blush too much like a teenage girl.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Ling** _

 

Greed never asks you to be his boyfriend. Actually, you think you were his _boyfriend_ from the night you met him up until he decides he wants something _serious_ with you. (In your mind, 'boyfriend' seems more casual to you rather than something else, like... 'Partner' or... something like that. You hate the word 'partner' though. He's just... your man. Yeah.)

Greed's never had a way with words, and you learn that quickly. Luckily for him, you're not usually a stickler for words or specification, unless you're, like, _super_ angry at him, but the first time you get super angry at him doesn't even happen until a few years into your relationship with him anyways.

One morning, you're sitting on the edge of his bed, trying to wake yourself up, since you need to go to work, despite the strong desire to just go back to sleep and lay with him for another four hours.

Twenty minutes later, when you're sitting on the edge of his bed again, tying your shoes, you hear the drawer on one of his bedside tables open, and the back of his knuckles tapping you in the arm. You look over your shoulder at him.

He looks dead tired, and has a blank face on as he's holding something out to you. You raise an eyebrow at him before gently taking the something from him. It's a bag, and you unroll it to see that there's a key in it. "Is this a weird American mating ritual?"

He bursts out laughing and ends up with half his face pressed into a pillow before shaking his head. "No, no. It's only weird to you. It's a key to my apartment. I trust you, and I... don't feel like this is just going to be a fling. Figured you might want easier access rather than waiting for my ugly ass to open the door or to pick you up every time you want to come over."

You know what he means by giving you the key--he's asking you if you want to make things more serious. "I'll accept, but first, you need to say something."

"Sure. What?"

"Say you're not ugly. You are very pretty."

He rolls his eyes. "I was joking. I know I'm hot shit."

And now you roll your eyes. As you're putting the key onto your key ring, he sits up to kiss you on the cheek.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Ling** _

 

"You wanna know why you're perfect for me?" Greed mutters this against your neck one night while the two of you are trying to fall asleep.

"Hm?" You're dead tired and sometimes you wish he wouldn't try talking to you so late and while trying to sleep, but, like... he's fun to talk to.

"You don't have any family in America, so we don't have to sit through any awkward dinners or dumb shit like that."

You roll your eyes. "I believe my parents would lynch me if they knew that I'm in a relationship with a man. I mean that. I'd probably get killed."

"See? We don't have to deal with that. _And,_ on top of that, my mom's dead and my dad's been missing, so we don't have to worry about _my_ family either."

"Sounds like you've had some ordeals with parents."

"You don't even know the half of it, piss-ant."


	21. Chapter 21

_**Greed** _

 

Somehow your little relationship chat with Edward sparked a friendship. After the new year, you get a better paying job with more lenient hours, meaning you're able to have more than a day off every few weeks. This also means that Edward invites himself over to hang out with you.

You're a friendly guy, and you can hang out with someone other than Ling if necessary and if it's a one time thing, but Ed just _shows up_ when Ling isn't there, and just makes himself at home on your couch, watching TV and talking about whatever the hell it is that he's into, and you just pretend to listen.

You don't dislike him, you really don't, but he's so _assertive._ You really miss the days where he was afraid of you. Ed's the kind of person where if he considers you a friend, then there's nothing you can do that's going to deter him. He's loyal to a fault and when his mind is set on something, he stops at nothing to get it, and he just so happens to want to make you his _friend._

In a way, he's like you. You're stubborn and persistent and when you want something, there's almost nothing you won't do to get it, so, while you get him, you really enjoy your solitude. Solitude is hard to come by, alright? Even when you're an anti-social douche bag who intentionally drives people other than his boyfriend away.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Ling** _

 

It really warms your heart to see Greed and Edward getting along so well. Greed's just humoring Ed, but he's actually talking to him, which makes you happier than it should.

Greed actually goes somewhere with Ed and a few of Ed's friends, and when he comes home, his back is sore enough that he tries nonchalantly asking you to take a bath with him, and to rub his back for him.

"Why're you all sore?" You ask as you're working a knot out of his shoulders.

"A group of us went hiking and I had to carry a bunch of shit since I was the strongest out of everyone," he mutters.

"Did you at least have fun?"

You're expecting a 'No, Ling, I didn't have fun,' or something equally as grumpy out of him, but he surprises you by shrugging. "Yeah, kind of. I didn't really talk a whole lot, but it was... fun. Upstate New York is pretty beautiful, honestly. We should both go hiking together next time."

"I'll ask Ed to invite me, I guess. Him and Alphonse grew up in Queens, so it figures that he's familiar with hiking, I guess."

Greed nods.

"Who all went?"

"Uh... Ed did, obviously, as did I. One of his friends that we met in California came too, something about visiting. His California friend is kind of a dick, but Ed was about a mile up his ass, so I didn't say anything."

"Roy? I noticed he was... rather insufferable."

"He's not a bad guy, but he just... likes to push buttons. Do you know his friend that talks a lot? He has glasses and a pregnant girlfriend and a seemingly endless supply of Polaroids."

"Maes? I know him. I've only met him a handful of times, but he seems nice."

"He was there, and yeah, he's pretty nice. Alphonse and Mei went as well. Those two were pretty much in their own world, though."

"They do that. Did you get along with everyone?"

"Pretty much. I mean, like I said, I didn't really talk, but... yeah. I kind of forgot what it was like to have friends who wouldn't kill you if an order even so much as brushed against their ears."

"It's pretty nice." You smile a little bit, and kiss the back of his neck. While the two of you were talking, you'd begun to start massaging his weird off brand body wash into his back, and, alright, it's pretty satisfying to have this man be basically putty in your fingers just from a little back massage.

"You need to touch my back more. Holy shit."


	23. Chapter 23

_**Greed** _

 

Ling has a pretty good immune system, if you ignore the fact he's hypoglycemic and faints whenever he goes more than eight hours without eating at least a slice of bread. He gets sick once a year, sometimes not even that, and when he _does_ get sick, it's terrible.

The first time you're around him while he's sick is about a year and a month after the two of you had first gotten together. He's just barely moved in with you, fully, and one morning he wakes up with a muttered curse in Chinese and, _"I'm sick."_

At this point in time, you were still... _involved_ with your old profession, so it wasn't sacrilege to just take a day off here and there if you needed to, so long as you sold what you needed to sell and so long as you didn't piss anyone off. You're about halfway through getting dressed when Ling states that he's sick. "Um. Do you need anything...?" You can take care of yourself if you get sick, but you're terrible at caring for other people.

"The sweet release of death," he grumbles as he rolls over and curls up.

You roll your eyes. Ling's dramatic. "Anything else that doesn't involve homicide?"

"A hug," is what he says next. "And maybe someone to tell me what to do. I don't get sick very much." It's also at this moment that you realize he hasn't been on his own for much more than a few years.

You silently sigh and shoot a quick text to Bradley, saying something came up that you could _not_ push aside, before turning your phone off and taking the battery out of it, setting either item down on the table on your side of the bed. You're only in a pair of jeans, so you grab a t-shirt to put on as you walk across the bed on your knees. "You want me to just take care of you?"

Ling turns his head to actually look at you as if you were an incarnation of Jesus Christ or whatever religious figure is the Chinese equivalent to him. "You'd actually do that?"

You shrug, because, yeah, you would. If he were _anyone else_ you'd tell him to suck it the fuck up, but you love him and all that shit, so you don't have it in you to tell him 'no.' "What're your symptoms?"

He rattles off a list, and you can safely assume that he just has a fairly bad cold.

"Sit up."

You get glared at.

You roll your eyes. "Sit up and quit giving me that look."

He listens after a long suffering sigh escapes his mouth.

You put a hand on his forehead, then a hand on yours, and _yikes,_ he's burning up. "I don't think you're dying, but I think you should probably take some cold medicine."

"When'd ya get that PhD?" He cracks a grin at the huff of breath you let out.

***

Ling sits on the bed in front of you, sipping at a canteen of Campbell's, while watching some Chinese soap opera with English subtitles so that you don't, and you're quoting him, feel left out. You're busying yourself with spraying hair detangler onto a brush and gently working knots out of his hair.

Ling is very touchy with his hair, and if there's one thing he can't stand, it's going more than a day without brushing it. You've had plenty of colds, so you know that his hands are probably aching, and you figure it's a bitch to brush your own hair when your fingers are refusing to work for you.

He's more than happy to let you brush his hair for him while he gets cozy in one of your sweatshirts. (You picked this up pretty quick, but if given the choice, Ling _will_ steal your jackets and sweatshirts and even your shirts with little to no hesitation at all. He looks way too cute in them, though, so the most you do is, like, maybe make a comment about it before hugging him or some mushy bullshit like that.) (You'd steal his shirts, but he's ten inches shorter than you and he's a lanky fucker.)

"When I used to get sick as a kid," he starts before falling into a coughing fit. "Mama would always put on this show and would hold me while she watched it."

You nod. "We can cuddle or whatever when I'm done with your hair, if you want."

He nods as well, meaning he wants. "I miss home. I just... I miss my friends and my parents and even our fucking kingpin."

"That's fair."

"I just wish I didn't _have_ to leave, though. I'm safer here and all, but I just..." He sighs and he's using _the voice_ which means he's tearing up and you're reaching around him to place a hand over his. "I hate being sick because I get emotional."

You kiss him on the cheek and you catch the grin he gives you before he kisses you on the cheek as well. Once he's facing forward again, he asks you to talk about your own family. "I don't have any family other than my mom, but she's gone."

"What was she like, then?"

"Perfect. She was so amazing. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone, and if she hadn't have died, I probably wouldn't be making a living by selling cocaine. Though, we probably wouldn't have met..."

"How'd she...?"

"It's typical Lifetime movie bullshit. She got some weird freaky ass incurable cancer and died within a month. It fucked me up pretty good and I haven't had a stable friendship or relationship since then."

Ling pinches your thigh. "Hey. We're doing pretty alright."

"Well, yeah, but still. You're weird."

"I'm _dying_ and you just called me weird?"

"Yes. You're weird. I'll say it again. You, Ling Yao, are weird."

"And you're a dick, Greed."


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont like the 2003 anime but yall gotta admit winry and sheska as a pairing are so slept on

_**Ling** _

 

Part of Ed considering you one of his best friends and considering Greed a good friend is that instead of letting the two of you sit at home on Christmas, getting drunk, fucking, and watching weird Christmas movies, he invites the two of you to spend Christmas with him, Alphonse, Mei, Winry, one of his friends that you're pretty sure he's fucking, and his dad, plus Winry's grandmother, who is a family friend.

Christmas is another one of those holidays that you don't really celebrate, or one you wouldn't celebrate on your own, anyways. Ooof course you still end up in Ed's father's living room, tucked into Greed's side and sleeping since you're bored. (You constantly wonder how Greed is okay with you pretty much using him as a human pillow. Seriously--if you get bored and you're with him, you _will_ sleep on him. You've even slept on him standing up in airports before.)

You actually wake up and stay awake for more than ten minutes when someone else arrives. The someone else is someone you don't know. She's a mousy little thing with large, wire frame glasses, and of all the people you expected to go up to her and kiss her right on the lips, it was _not_ Winry.

You're peeking over the back of the couch, and you see Greed's eyebrows go up on his forehead. You should be more in shock over Winry's apparent sapphic nature, but you have to quietly mutter, "God, you're beautiful," to Greed, who just shoves you, _blushes,_ and tells you to knock it off with the surprise compliments.


End file.
